|"Maxxie and Anwar"|
|Series 1, Episode 6|
|Centric Character(s):||Maxxie Oliver & Anwar Kharral|
|Original Airdate:||March 1 2007|
|Written by:||Simon Amstell & Ben Schiffer|
|Directed by:||Chris Clough|
"Maxxie and Anwar" is the sixth episode of Series 1.
This episode primarily focuses on Maxxie Oliver and Anwar Kharral and the strain of their relationship due to Anwar becoming extremely uncomfortable with Maxxie's sexuality, since it goes against Anwar's religious beliefs.
The History students are taking a trip to Russia. Maxxie is making Anwar feel uncomfortable by sleeping on his shoulder, or it might be the hard on he is trying to disguise, which he assures Maxxie is nothing to do with him, but the vibrations of the plane. Tom, the History teacher, gives them all their final instructions before they land. Apparently this is not a holiday, but a chance to “nail” their History coursework and to see the real Russia. Tom’s speech gets less than enthusiastic support from the students, but he does get recognition from an old man on the other side of the plane. After Tom finishes and sits back down next to Angie, Chris asks where Anwar hid the drugs, as he though he’d put them in his turban. Anwar explains that he doesn’t have a turban or any drugs, but Tony assures them that it’s all in hand; Sid has them, secreted where the sun doesn’t shine.
They finally land in Russia at an airport that looks more like a military base. They all go through security, even Sid manages it despite carrying the drugs and looking extremely uncomfortable while doing it. He’s is saved from the sniffer dog however when Anwar sets off the alarms and is dragged away to another room. As trip leader, Tom takes it upon himself to rescue Anwar. He tries to talk stern looking woman around, but all she understands, or wants to understand, is money. Tom pays her most of his money and gets Anwar out before too much of his dignity is lost. Returning to the group, Anwar says they all look disappointed that he’s not a terrorist, but Tony that’s probably because he’s a very dull Muslim.
Outside, Tom tries to ask for directions using a combination of deliberate English and sign language. A Russian man points them in the direction of their bus, an ancient looking thing whose driver is currently attacking the engine with a hammer. Needless to say, the bus is broken and isn’t going anywhere. Instead, they manage to hitch a ride on the back of a pick up truck, which takes them to where they’ll be staying. Their ‘hotel’ turns out to some old prison buildings that could fall down at any moment. Michelle’s hopes for a shower and the use of a hairdryer are dashed the moment she sets eyes on the place. The large manager/warden woman appears and helps them off the truck. She speaks some English, and takes to be “locked in”.
Inside, Tom explains that they will be sleeping two to a room. Unfortunately for the students, that means same sex only. Even more unfortunately for Angie, she’ll be sharing with Tom. Tom is thrilled by the prospect, but Angie, well, isn’t.
Later, Sid, still walking awkwardly due to the drugs, returns to his and Tony’s room, having not been able to retrieve the drugs. Tony explains that the only reason he came on the trip, because he doesn’t do History, was that it might be “uplifting”. In their room, Anwar is trying to open his suitcase while Maxxie draws. Maxxie manages to open the case and finds all of Anwar’s clothes arranged in packets for each day. Anwar explains that that’s 45-year-old Pakistani women for you. The only thing she didn’t pack was his ample supply of condoms. Anwar compliments Maxxie on his drawings, especially the one of them both, which Maxxie lets him keep. Chris arrives and tells them it’s dinnertime and he and Maxxie leave. Anwar tears the picture out of Maxxie’s sketchbook, finding a drawing of a penis on the next page down, realizing that it’s his. Soon, he hears a noise from outside and sees a busty Russian girl chopping wood in very little clothing despite the cold temperatures. Anwar quickly tries to decide whether to “wank or tell group”, but elects to tell the group and races downstairs to the dining hall.In the dining hall, Sid is given a bowl of slop from the scary dinner lady, hardly what he is used to back home. As he sits down with the rest of group, who are all poking at their slop wondering if it’s safe, Anwar rushes in shouting about having seen boob, on a girl with a big chopper. All the guys rush upstairs, followed by Jal and Michelle. The only one who doesn’t go is Chris, who tells Angie that he prefers Welsh women, meaning her.
Back upstairs in his room, Anwar shows everyone where the girl was, but to his disappointment and everyone else’s annoyance, she’s gone. He assures them that he didn’t imagine her, but Tony just tells him to let them know when the Spice Girls show up and they all leave, except Maxxie, who says they’re going out on the pull. Anwar tells him not to bring anyone back to the room so he doesn’t have to pretend to be asleep while he’s doing “some big Cossack guy”. Maxxie takes it as a joke and says he should bring his “big boobed peasant girl” back as well. Anwar turns serious, saying he doesn’t want to watch him doing a guy, but Maxxie discovers that he wouldn’t have a problem with him bringing a girl back.
Anwar asks him if he’s ever tried being with a girl, but Maxxie just asks if he’s been with a man. Anwar says that’s sick, but he’s “just a Muslim” and gay is wrong. This effectively ends their friendship and Maxxie leaves to find another room to sleep in. He goes into Tony and Sid’s room asking if he can sleep in there. Tony agrees, and has Sid move out. After he’s gone, Tony has him explain what happened. Out of the blue, Tony asks if he should give him head to cheer him up. Maxxie doesn’t take kindly to the suggestion, so Tony kisses him full on the lips. Afterwards he says he wants to try something new while he’s in Russia. Maxxie asks him about Michelle, but avoiding the question, Tony just starts to get undressed ready for an early night. Just then, Michelle walks in, asking for time alone with Tony so Maxxie leaves.
That night, Chris is hanging around outside Angie’s room waiting for his chance to see her. He knocks and tells her he can’t sleep and uses reverse psychology on the Psychology teacher to get in to her room. He says he was hoping for a good night kiss, but before they can do anything, Tom comes back, forcing Chris to hide under Angie’s bed. Tom comes in, trying to look sexy in orange boxers and a vest, but Angie catches him staring at her. Angie gets into bed, as Tom starts his squat thrusts exercises, giving Chris an unwanted view of Tom’s crotch on the down strokes.
In his room Anwar is looking at Maxxie’s drawing as he sees the Russian girl again, this time in a room in another building. He watches her undress and soon, she is watching him, having noticed him in the mirror. He calls Sid over, who has just got back from trying to retrieve the drugs again, but when he reaches the window, she’s gone again.
In Angie’s room, Tom is finally asleep, allowing Chris to sneak out from under the bed, get his goodnight kiss, and leave.
The next morning, the students are woken by the ringing of a large bell, thanks to the big warden woman. She tells them that it is time for cleaning, girls first, then boys. Later the girls come back inside from cleaning, just as Anwar is on his way down for the same. He meets Maxxie on the stairs, who apparently cleaned with the girls, who tries to get him to take back his remarks about gays. He doesn’t, so Maxxie goes back upstairs while Anwar continues down and outside. In the courtyard, he finds out what the woman meant by “cleaning”. She is directing a hosepipe at the half naked teacher and students.
Later in the assembly hall, Tom tries to raise everyone’s spirits, and fails miserably. He declares that the education has begun.As part of the education, Tom takes the group to a glue factory, where the warden woman translates the manager’s explanation of what happens, “horse come in, break legs, then crush, add water, boil, then glue”. Simple. Then to show this in action, a horse is brought out and, to the accompaniment of loud distressed naying, gunfire, water splashing and jets of steam, a pot of glue is filled right in front of the students. Horse glue at it’s finest.
Back at the prison hotel, Chris again tries to see Angie, but hears Tom trying to come onto her inside their room. His advanced gets a very firm “F*** off” from Angie. After a few more choice words, Angie storms out, encountering Chris is the corridor. He says that Tom can’t talk to her like that and that he’s “going to get the f***ing twat”, but Angie stops him. She kisses him, properly this time. Not breaking the kiss, they back into an empty room, slamming the door shut behind them.
In their room, Tony tries to convince Maxxie to draw him, and even takes his shirt off as a temptation, saying that he’s done everyone else. Still not having any luck, Tony goes take his trousers off as well, but is stopped by Maxxie. Going into Anwar’s room, Maxxie finds him talking about drugs and has a go at him for being all Muslim about gays, but still doing other non-Muslim things such as taking drugs and drinking. He calls him a hypocrite and leaves, tearing up the picture he drew. Maxxie storms down the corridor, hitting every door on the way past, only being stopped by the shock of knocking one door open and finding Chris and Angie going at it in bed. He shuts the door just as the warden woman comes around the corner. She grabs him, shouting “my house, no break”, but noticing his Neil Diamond t-shirt, she turns happy and invites him back to her room.
In their room, Jal asks Michelle why she is still with Tony. Michelle tells her that he’s exciting and must love her as he could have anyone he wants. However, even though he does want others sometimes, she’s special. Jal asks if they can get out of there for while, just the two of them.
Anwar is again watching the Russian girl, but this time she is being shouted at by an angry old man. This man seems to be her dad, who shakes and slaps his daughter while Anwar, and this time Sid, look on. Anwar decides that they have to help her, and unpacks his rope ladder. In the corridor, Anwar and Sid run into Michelle and Jal. Both pairs agree that they’re going nowhere. Outside, they split up.
In the warden’s room, the woman shows Maxxie her Neil Diamond poster and puts on some of his music. She then asks him what his problem is, but he tells her she won’t understand. Instead, she reaches for the Russian solution to all problems: Vodka. She tells him that he’ll tell her his problem, they’ll drink, and the problem will be “kaput”.Getting dressed after their love making session, Angie tells Chris that it was a one off as she doesn’t have sex with 17 year old students. Chris asks how old they are normally, but Angie doesn’t find it funny. He then assures her that he’ll have a word with Maxxie so he won’t say anything. She tells him that it can never happen again, seconds before jumping on him for a second time.
Outside, Anwar and Sid make their way into the girl’s house through a window. Upstairs, they find the girl in her room just as her father comes back. She has them hide when comes in, but after a brief word and another slap, he leaves. Anwar takes out his rope ladder and Sid ties it to the bed. Anwar puts the other end out of the window and both he and the girl climb down. As he goes, he tells Sid to keep watch. To comply, Sid gets off the bed, causing to be pulled towards the window by the weight on the ladder. The noise of this alerts the man, so Sid has no choice but to get rid of the ladder and hide in the bed, pretending to be the girl. Luckily for Sid, the phone rings and the man goes to answer it, but instead of escaping, Sid complains about his life to himself, unaware that the man has returned, as is scared half to death when he sees him standing there. Sid quickly leaps out of bed and throws himself out of the window.
Meanwhile, Anwar has got Anka back to his room. Conversation is slow, due to the language barrier but they manage to introduce themselves. Anwar says what he’d like to do to her, and shocked and embarrassed when Anka tells him it “Sounds like fun” in perfect English.
In the local town, Michelle and Jal find a bar and go in, despite Jal’s reservations. Michelle says she’s never been in a bar without being chatted up and she’s not about to start now. They sit by a window and, revealing their low cut dresses, soon attract the attention of some Russian military types, who quickly come in to join them. Soon, they are drunkenly singing songs with the military officers and several locals.In Anwar’s room, Anka puts her hand on his crotch, asking if he could be any harder. Meanwhile, Maxxie is telling all his problems to the warden woman, who still doesn’t understand who Anwar is, or who is “homo”. Valentina offers to help him, if he helps her. She wants him to draw her, in a seductive pose, almost making Maxxie throw up. It doesn’t take long before Anwar and Anka have used nearly all of his condom supply. She finds his picture that Maxxie drew, saying he must be a good friend, but Anwar tells her that he’s angry with him. Changing the subject to Anka’s problems, Anwar says she could come and live with him where she’ll be safe.
In his room, Tony is reading ‘Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit’ when hears Anka and Anwar going at it again. He goes into their room, but just gives Anwar a thumbs up before quickly leaving.
Down in the games room, Tony tells Chris and a few others that Anwar got the Russian girl, just as he comes in half dressed telling him to shut up. Angie and Tom soon arrive as well, as does an exhausted Sid who’s been chased all the way from Anka’s house. He explains what he’s had to do to escape, saying he think she lost her dad, just as he gets whack on the back of the head from Anka’s dad, who them pulls a shotgun on everyone. Maxxie hears the commotion and goes down to see whats happening, leaving Valentina asleep on her sofa. Anka explains that the man isn’t her dad, but her husband and they were on a break. The man takes the shotgun to Anwar, but is disarmed by Maxxie who turns the gun on him. Tom tries to defuse the situation while hiding behind Angie, just as the man pulls a pistol on Maxxie.Angie has a go at ending the situation, but the half dozen armed Russian soldiers that turn up with a drunk Michelle and Jal have better luck. Anka explains that as the soldiers helped the group, they now want paying for their services, as there is a charge for armed response. As leader Tom ends up paying them most of his remaining money, but is told to leave Russian tomorrow. Outside that night, Maxxie finds Anwar and shares his bottle of vodka with him. Anwar says Maxxie was right: he is a hypocrite. He’s a Muslim boy, and doesn’t get to choose what beliefs he follows and which he ignores. However, that leave his and Maxxie friendship ended, so Maxxie leaves quite upset.
Inside, Michelle is sleeping off being drunk in Tony’s room when Tony and Maxxie come back. Tony again tries it on with Maxxie, taking his shirt off. They share a kiss before Tony takes Maxxie’s shirt off as well. As Tony goes down to give Maxxie head, Michelle wakes up and sees what they’re doing. Maxxie stops Tony before he gets very far, saying he’s not very good at it and gets dressed.
On the flight back to England, Sid admires Maxxie’s drawings of Cassie, saying he made her look beautiful. Michelle tries to get Tony to tell her about what he did with Maxxie last night.
But he doesn’t, instead thinking its something to do with them. Suddenly, Sid declares that the drugs are on their way out, just in time for Heathrow Security, who are apparently very strict.
Back at the Russian prison hotel, Valentina, Anka, her husband and the officers are celebrating taking the stupid English for a ride and taking all their money, however Anka still has the drawing of Anwar, and kisses it with affection.
- Maxxie Oliver
- Anwar Kharral
- Tony Stonem
- Michelle Richardson
- Sid Jenkins
- Chris Miles
- Jal Frazer
- Posh Kenneth
- Tom Barkley
- Anka's husband
Note: The music tracks listed below only refer to the music featured in the episode's initial airing. Many of the music tracks featured in this episode have been substituted for alternative tracks either for the BBC America airing or for both the US and UK home media release of Series 1.
Amon Tobin - "Easy Muffin"
Rich Stevenson - "Russian Folk Track"
Warsaw Village Band - "I Had A Lover"
Unknown - "Pedlar's Pack"
Portishead - "Undenied"
The Decemberists - "The Crane Wife 3"
Unknown - "Fantaisie Pour Deux Bayanas"
A Hawk and A Hacksaw - "Gadke Sirba"
Amon Tobin - "Get Your Snack On"
The Raconteurs - "Broken Boy Soldiers"
Neil Diamond - "Hello Again"
Bloc Party - "Positive Tension"
Neil Diamond - "Man Of God"
Orchestra Kalinka - "Russian Balaika"
Unknown - "Accordion 3"
A Hawk And A Hacksaw - "The Sparrow"
A Hawk And A Hacksaw - "There Is A River In Galisteo"
Neil Diamond - "Man Of God"
A Hawk And A Hacksaw - "Gadje Sirba"
Unseen Skins: "To Russia With Love..."Edit
- Main article: Unseen Skins#Series 1
The gang without Chris are at a pub, where they discuss how much money they have raised to get Chris to go on the trip to Russia. Chris comes in a fish costume, Tony explains that he needs £700 to go to Russia, and since he had brought nothing to the funds that all they had was under £30. Chris explains that he needs to go because Angie will be there. Anwar tells the gang that porn star Cathy Barry is in the bar. Maxxie goes up to talk to Cathy to ask which one of the gang she likes. Maxxie returns, saying that she liked Chris. Chris shares a bed with Cathy where he spends a vast amount of time prodding her breasts. Chris tells her that he's in love with Angie and that he feels that he's being unfaithful. Chris explains that he wanted to go to Russia in the hope that a love between him and Angie would start, and that he needs £700 to go to Russia. Cathy offers a check for the trip.