|Series 1, Episode 5|
|Centric Character(s):||Sid Jenkins|
|Original Airdate:||February 22 2007|
|Written by:||Jamie Brittain|
|Directed by:||Minkie Spiro|
"Maxxie and Anwar"
"Sid" is the fifth episode of Series 1.
Sid watches an old man across the street that is wearing headphones connected to his radio. All of a sudden, the man starts dancing wildly as a woman comes in. The two embrace each other and kiss passionately and fall out of view and move down towards the floor. A loud voice snaps Sid out of his daydream, and he finds himself back in school sat at a table with his History teacher Tom and his parents. Sid apologizes but looking back out of the window, he only sees the radio disappearing onto the floor. Tom tells him that this is exactly why he’s having problems: a lack of concentration, inability to focus and no commitment.
Tom says he’s marked Sid’s coursework as ‘ungraded’, getting a loud “Fucking hell!” from Sid’s father Mark, and his mood doesn’t improve when that mark will cause him to fail the whole year. Tom proudly announces that he got Sid an extension for him to do the coursework again. He wants 2000 words on Lech Walesa and the collapse of Soviet power in two days. Mark declares that Sid is grounded until it’s done and they get up to leave, thanking Tom as they go. On the way through the school corridors, Mark asks if Tony failed it. Sid says no, but with good reason: Tony doesn’t do History. Prodding Sid and swearing in front of dozens of other students, Mark tells him that what he’ll be doing is “Drama, home, coursework, f***ing perfection or else”. He then storms off, telling Sid to “fuck off” to Drama. His mother Liz just tells him to do his best before running after her husband.
Sid reaches the Drama studio, and through the door sees the group prancing around and waving their arms in the air. Maxxie appears wearing devil’s horns, telling him it looks crap and he should go to the green instead. The Anwar appears, with an angel’s halo, telling him that would be bad and he should go to Drama. Their persuasive arguments come down to “Drama” and “Fuck it” until Sid tells them to shut up. Sid goes to join the Drama group, but Maxxie tells not to again. He asks Anwar what he thinks and he agrees, so they all start to leave, just as Cassie arrives. She tells Maxxie he looks horny and then reminds Sid of their date tonight. Sid breaks the bad news to her about him being grounded and having to do coursework. Cassie gives her trademark “Wow”, despite being obviously disappointed. She says she didn’t eat for three days so she could be lovely, but decides just to come over to his house instead. She leaves, as do the boys, with Maxxie telling Sid he should “give her one”.
Outside on the green, Tony is reading “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” by Friedrich Nietzsche when he spots Abigail walking nearby with a group of girls from her school. She eventually sees him and gives him a smile. Michelle arrives and sits down next to Tony and starts showing him her new clothes; black and yellow skirts. Tony doesn’t listen, having gone back to watching Abigail again, and then notices Sid sat on the green smoking. Finally listening to her, Tony says she should wear yellow to “Travel Frog” and the black to his choir concert, which is tonight. He tells her that she and Sid are coming to hear him sing, because it could be fun.
Sid starts at the blank computer screen, trying to think of something to type for his coursework while his hamster looks on. He starts typing, but quickly gets stuck and has to look everything up. He gives up and shoots the hamster with a water gun instead. He then switches on the TV but immediately Mark bursts in, unplugs it and takes it out, as well as the stereo and “Asian Fanny Gun” magazine. However as he leaves, the plug gets caught in the door and he goes flying down the stairs, much to Sid’s amusement. When asked by Liz what has happened he replies “I’ve fallen down the fucking stairs you silly cow!”. Sid leaves the computer and lays down on his bed. He quickly decides that masturbating would be a better use of his time, but he doesn’t get far with that either. He reaches for a picture of Michelle from under his pillow and gets back down to business.
Just as he starts to enjoy himself, Tony walks in, having not knocked. They share an awkward silence for several seconds before Tony decided to go out and come back in again. Sid quickly gets up and tries to act casual, or as casual as you can be when your best friend has just caught you wanking to a picture of his girlfriend. Tony makes sure to knock this time and comes in again, saying he thought he might need a hand… with his coursework. He goes over to the computer, but not before taking the picture of Michelle. At the computer, he deletes everything Sid wrote and puts in some very technical language on the USSR, apparently an expert on the subject despite not taking History. Leaving it at two lines, Tony says they should get going to his choir concert.
Sid says he can’t come until hears Michelle is going as well. Before they can talk much longer, Mark bursts in again with his usual colorful language, but changes his tune when he sees Tony. He seems to have a lot of respect for Tony, much more than for his own son, and talks to him as friend. Tony leaves, and Mark just asks Sid why he couldn’t be more like Tony, then turns around and crack his head on a low beam. After he leaves, Sid tries to get ready to go to the concert, but finds it difficult as all of his clothes either smell or are dirty. He finds one thing to wear, a yellow “Mega Dog” cartoon shirt, which, when the nose is pressed, gives off a loud fanfare followed by “Mega Dog to the rescue! Attack! Attack!” Spraying deodorant down his pants and putting his hat on, he’s ready to go, he just needs to sneak past his parents and get out of the house. As he comes down the stairs, he hears his father in the kitchen call him “Captain Fucking Calamity” among other things but, but accidentally activates the Mega Dog fanfare, alerting his parents to his presence. Mark just tells him to get on with his coursework and shuts the door and goes back to blaming his wife for everything that is wrong in the world. Unnoticed, Sid walks out the front door.
That evening at the church, Sid, Michelle and Chris, who heard there’d be choir girls, take their seats in the audience. They sit next to some man who is loudly complaining about having to spend £4000 a term on his daughter’s school for only 3 GCSEs in return. Chris hears this and has everyone move a few rows in front just as the girl choir takes the stage. They start singing, but Tony hasn’t appeared yet, making Michelle wonder if they’ve got the right place. After a few minutes, the girls part and Tony appears from behind them to the fanfare of Mega Dog, which Chris activated when he tapped Sid on the chest. Tony starts singing a duet with Abigail; worrying Michelle with the looks they give each other. Their song eventually culminates in a kiss, which really worries Michelle. As soon as Tony leaves the stage, Michelle gets up to follow with an angry look on her face. Sid goes after her, as does Chris without taking his eyes off the stage, and the male choir. Backstage, Michelle passes through the girls dressing area without much trouble, but Sid gets screams and shouts with Chris enjoying very second of it. Michelle finds Tony in his dressing room, shirt half off, with Abigail singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and his hand under her blouse.
Tony explains he checking Abigail’s diaphragm contractions. Michelle is so enraged that she barely has the breath to call him a “wanker”. He tries to give her a bunch of flowers and a teddy bear, but she rips it’s head off. Abigail gets upset, as it was her lucky teddy, but Michelle tells her to “fuck off” as well. Abigail gives her a load of psychological bull, earning her a well-deserved slap across the face from Michelle. Unexpectedly, Abigail unleashes a torrent of abuse, saying “I’ll kill you, you fucking flat chested cock-sucking, spastic horse-fucker!”, and in a church as well. This amazes everyone there, but Michelle just leaves, and Tony asks Abigail to do the same so he can talk to Sid. Abigail goes as well, saying she needs her medication. Tony tells Sid that it looks like he and Michelle are on a break. Sid is disgusted when he realizes that he did that on purpose. He tells Sid to go after her as he’s giving him the chance to be with the one he loves. Confused by Tony’s astrological explanation of the situation, Sid goes to find Michelle, but not before telling Abigail outside that Michelle would never, ever fuck a horse. In the dressing area, Chris is palm reading a girl in her underwear, telling her to be careful round electricity pylons and crocodiles.
On the streets in town, Michelle is making her way home when a group of chav girls stop her and start banging on about “dis-respectin” and all that crap. Just as things are about to turn nasty, Sid arrives and tries to calm the situation down in his usual unhelpful way. Michelle gets a punch in the face from the “fat bitch” girl, before Sid rescues her and they carry walking down the street. Michelle starts having a go at him, saying he knew what Tony was going to do and doesn’t believe him when he says he didn’t. She leaves him standing there, when the group of girls come back. They set on him, knocking him to ground, kicking him and setting Mega Dog off again. He even gets peed on by a tramp.
Arriving back home, Sid almost makes it to the stairs when Mark appears asking where he’s been. He lies, saying he’s just been to the shops, but Mark doesn’t buy it, as he’s been gone three hours. Mark goes on again about being grounded and sneaking out. He is shut up however when Sid calls him a “dildo”. Sid goes up to his room, finding Cassie sitting on his bed, who gets upset when he says he’s been with Michelle. She sings part of The Beatles’ song “Michelle” and repeats “fuck you” over and over as she gets increasingly upset with Sid. She shoots him with the water pistol, kisses him, tells him to wake up to what’s going on, and leaves.
The next morning, Sid leaves for school, finding Liz waiting by the car. She says she’s talking him to school. On the way, Sid asks her about Tony but, thinking he means his father she says that he’s just going through a rough patch at the moment. All he gets out of her about Tony is that he’s “lovely”. They arrive at school, but before he gets out, Liz says that she really loves him and wants him to make more of an effort, especially with his father. She starts to say something else, but stops herself, changing the subject to sunglasses for his black eye. He gets out, but she calls him back to say something, but stops herself again.
In History, Sid is again daydreaming watching the couple across the street feeding each other over a candle-lit meal and glasses of wine. Again, they start kissing and fall to the floor out of sight. Tom snaps him out of it by making him take his sunglasses off. Jal sees his black eye and looks concerned. Everyone has passed the coursework, except Sid who has 24 hours left to do it. Chris comes in late, and starts telling Maxxie and Anwar about the concert, and the fellatio he got afterwards. Chris turns to get Sid to back him up, but noticing the black eye, is told that it was caused by a group of girls. Big girls. Jal then has a go at him for disappointing Cassie as she was really looking forward to it. Tom dismisses the class early, except for Sid. He asks about the coursework, and Sid lies that’s half way through. He tells him that if he needs someone to talk to, he all ears. Explaining everything that’s happened, Tom tries to advise Sid, but make a meal of it. Out in the corridor, Sid runs into Tony, who admires his black eye, thinking Michelle did it. Tony tells him that Michelle is a gift, and that he should take her for a drink to see what happens. Sid immediately rings Michelle to try to apologize and arrange that drink, but is overheard by Cassie, who gets even more upset.
At a juice bar in the town, Cassie orders a big plate of chips and a hamburger. She sits looking at it, contemplating what to do She actually starts to eat the meal, believing that if Sid doesn’t love her, she might as well eat and be ugly.
At a bar, Michelle arrives for that drink with Sid. He asks why she wasn’t in school, so she reveals a black eye to match his own. Sid explains that he didn’t know what Tony was going at the concert. She seems to believe him this time, and kisses him on the cheek. She explains that it was because she forgot that he and Tony are different people. Sid blurts out that he loves her, but she doesn’t hear him and takes him to dance. They start dancing, and just when Sid is getting comfortable with it, when Tony arrives. He comes over to them as says that he’s been “a bit silly” and joins them in a three-way dance. Sid eventually leaves Tony and Michelle to it and goes back to his drink at the bar. Tony and Michelle are soon back to their regular loving selves.
Meanwhile, Cassie sits on a bench overlooking the town with Sid’s water pistol. She fills it with vodka and, placing a pill in her mouth, washes it down with a squirt of vodka from the pistol. She then swallows an entire bag of pills and takes them with more vodka. She then starts dancing on the bench.
Later, Sid sits in the juice bar eating the same meal Cassie ordered earlier. He tries to ring Cassie, but gets Jal’s frantic voice from inside an ambulance. Cassie has collapsed from her pill and vodka binge and is being taken to hospital.
Sid arrives at the hospital and eventually finds Jal sitting at Cassie’s bedside. He asks if she’ll be alright, and is relieved when Jal says that she will be now that her stomach has been pumped. Jal says it’s all his fault as he didn’t go on the date with her. Hearing the argument, the doctor says that only family should be present. Jal lies that she is Cassie’s sister, but Sid has to leave.
Back home, Sid finds Mark sat in the living room with cans of lager and takeaway everywhere. He tells Sid that his mother has gone. She packed her bags and went to her sisters. He says that she says she’s sorry, but Sid tells him that it’s not her fault, it’s his. Getting upset, Sid asks why he let her go and answers his own question, saying he’s useless. He tells his father to ring her and sort things out. Sid threatens that if he doesn’t, he’ll lose him as well. Later, Mark brings Sid his TV and stereo back as his way of apologizing. Before he leaves, Sid assures him that it’ll be okay. Just as he’s about to start his coursework again, Tony calls, but he decides not to bother talking to him and gets to work, realizing that he doesn’t know what he’s doing after all and works through the night, finally getting it done.
- Sid Jenkins
- Tony Stonem
- Michelle Richardson
- Cassie Ainsworth
- Chris Miles
- Jal Frazer
- Maxxie Oliver
- Anwar Kharral
- Abigail Stock
- Tom Barkley
- Mark Jenkins
- Liz Jenkins
Music Featured in "Sid"
Note: The music tracks listed below only refer to the music featured in the episode's initial airing. Many of the music tracks featured in this episode have been substituted for alternative tracks either for the BBC America airing or for both the US and UK home media release of Series 1.
Dandy Warhols - "Grunge Betty"
Magnetic Fields - "Underwear"
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Date With The Night"
Choir - "God Only Knows"
Boy group singing - "Little David Play On Your Harp"
A bigail - "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"
Rich Davey (E4 competition winner)
Unknown - "Sofa Divas"
The Hives - "No Pun Intended'
Jolie Holland - "Old Fashioned Morphine"
DJ Shadow - "Mongrel Meets His Maker"
Tricky - "Hell Is Around The Corner"
St Thomas - "Be Cool Be Nice"
Brian Jonestown Massacre - "You Look Great When I'm High"
Unseen Skins: "Careers Advice II"
- Main article: Unseen Skins#Series 1
Initially, the careers adviser is working on her own application form. She calls Sid for help, but he isn't there. Anwar enters the careers office in a ninja costume. The careers adviser shrugs her shoulder and Anwar asks is it because "a brown man can't be a ninja?" He then performs a routine with nunchucks. The careers adviser is impressed; Anwar asks which gang he can be a part of. The careers adviser tells him that she can't help.
Tony's questionnaire says that he can be anything that he wants to be. The careers adviser asks what he wants to be, to which he replies "Elvis". The careers adviser says that she "just wanted to make a difference". Tony asks her if she is "more of a Beatles fan", leaving by calling her a "hippie".
Michelle then enters, at which point the careers adviser is under the desk. Michelle’s questionnaire says that she is very good at languages. They then start talking in French. The careers adviser shows prospectuses and Michelle tells her that she wants to go to a university that is far, far away, to which the careers adviser suggests The University of Strathclyde (which in fact does not have a specific Languages course). It instead runs individual language courses.